You are a sexual sinner if…

Adam and Eve tasted the forbidden fruit and committed the ultimate sin, but at the same time gifted mankind a pleasure-treasure.

Man definitely followed suit and made the best out of this sexual present. But, unfortunately, knowingly or unknowingly he also succumbed to some more sins, which has marred his sexual pleasures.

But what were those sins? And are you also a sinner? Well, here’s a low-down on sexual sins, which can ruin your sex life…

So you are a sexual sinner if…

You are ignorant…
You are a sinner if knowing little about the rules of the love-game you are ready to take the plunge. “Quite contrary to my aspirations, the first night of my wedded life didn’t give me too many happy memories. Thanks to my friends’ experiences, it somehow got etched in my mind that the ‘first time’ is supposed to be tough and painful. Consequently, I didn’t want to get into the act on the first night itself, while my hubby was keen. Though he didn’t want to force me, my reluctance frustrated him and it took me quite a time to get things right,” shares a Delhi-based teacher.

Cleanse the sin : “Couples must understand that making love is an art, which requires sexual knowledge. So, before you tie the knot, it becomes important for both the partners to opt for pre-marital sexual counseling to do away with all apprehensions and doubts,” suggests sex counselor, Dr. Mahinder Watsa.

You are a passive lover…
Remember that your partner is as much entitled to enjoy sex as you are. Usually, it is women who are the culprit in this sin. “I know my wife loves me, but when it comes to making love, she takes a back seat leaving all the responsibility of pleasuring her on me. Sometimes, it becomes very irritating and then we end up in a cold-war,” relates Madhur Kapoor, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.

Cleanse the sin : Clear communication of what the ‘active’ partner wants, i.e to be passive once in a while is very important. It is the prerogative of the active partner to find the reason behind the passiveness and help the other to overcome it. “Low sexual desire can be due to hormonal imbalance, lifestyle traits, personality reasons or sheer monotony in the act. Medical help, expert’s advice and lifestyle changes like imbibing an exercise regimen and finding ways to make the sexual act more enjoyable are handy solutions. Remember that the sexual act is directly related to the emotional contentment of both the partners, which needs to be taken care of,” suggests psychologist, Dr. Madhumati Singh.

You shy away from experimenting…
If you are struck only to your bed, when it comes to making love since the day you’ve got married and think that hugging each other is foreplay, you better know that you have a really boring sex-life. That ‘normal is boring’ rules the sex scene as well. Get wild, get whacky and think out-of the box ideas to bring some variety into your sex life. From myriad positions to different places and never-ending props…there’s a lot to try. Just keep your senses working.

Cleanse the sin : “One should remember that sex is centered in the brain, which needs to be aroused in a different way every time,” tells Watsa. Over years of togertherness, couples tend to take their sex-lives for granted and love-making for them gets reduced to a mere chore and then takes over the boredom. “The brain needs stimulation to get aroused, which comes when you put all the five senses (seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and smelling) to work during a steamy session. Experiment with each of the senses. You can try watching an erotic movie together or share your naughty fantasies, give sensuous massages to each other, try out the power of aphrodisiacs etc. to titillate various senses,” suggests Watsa.

You don’t think about the other…
Everybody anticipates having fun in bed. However, most of us forget that sex is all about a communion between two individuals and the experience remains incomplete if either of the partners is rendered left-out from the act. Usually, women are at the receiving end in this case. “Generally, men get aroused quickly, while women take more time. Once, aroused, men can’t wait to hit the sack, while women need lots more stimulation,” explains Watsa. Failing to understand her needs, the man still expects a whole-hearted participation from her, which is a negation leading to differences and troubles in your sexual paradise.

Cleanse the sin : If you find yourself committing this crime, better take a pledge to give what you expect from the other – pleasure. “Give your partner a much-deserved arousal time. Extending foreplay is a sure-shot way to set things right,” suggests Madhumati. Confide in each other and communicate what makes you feel good and all that you enjoy so that your partner can give you the right dose of pleasure!

You think sexual fantasies are bad…
Deep down in his heart, every human being fantasies what he cannot do in real life and at the same time, if given a chance he also aspires to live all those fantasies. So, having sexual fantasies is no exception to this notion.

Cleanse the sin : “It’s absolutely healthy and normal to have sexual fantasies,” says Madhumati, adding, “However it’s advisable to share fantasies with your partner if the other is on the same wavelength. If one partner is more possessive and conservative, then it might just be counterproductive. Sharing fantasies increase the pleasure only if both the partners are open and comfortable with these. Other wise it may mar sexual pleasure.”

You get embarrassed easily…
Be it body issues like a big belly, thundering thighs or excessive body hair or uncalled for embarrassing situations like biting each other, getting entangled in a particular position etc. …such awkward encounters often leave the partners in an embarrassing state and takes them away from the pleasure pact in extreme cases. “My husband has a big paunch. Though, I love him the way he is but still, he feels embarrassed and hesitant to open up while making love, and ultimately even I get turned off, ” shares a wife.

Cleanse the sin : “Remember that you have loved each other for what you are. Body issues can be taken care of medically, so don’t let them come in the way of your sexual communion. Also, don’t let the trivial embarrassing moments take the charm away. Take a lesson, laugh over and continue with your sexual spree,” suggests Madhumati.

You punish your partner with ‘no-sex’…
You are the most condemnable if you do this! “When ever we have a fight or a heated argument due to me, my wife becomes a cold fish that day. She simply doesn’t allow to me to get close to her. She tries to punish me by sleeping in the other room on that day, but that’s no way to resolve matters,” complains Priyank Gulati, a Delhi-based advertising professional.

Cleanse the sin : Whenever hurt, most of us lash back by putting up a ‘don’t touch me’ board near us. “Not just women, even some men use this nasty way to ‘get even’ with their partners by depriving sexual pleasure to them,” says Madhumati adding, “Remember that both the two issues are different aspects of a relationship and should be treated separately. Using one as a solution to the other can only add bitterness to your love life.” So, the next time you have a fight, instead of sleeping over it to wake up frowning the next morning, try approaching your partner and resolve the fight with a love-making session…after all; sex is a great stress-buster too!

Source: The Times of India, 24 Jun 2009,